After seeing an article in “The Athletic” written by Nick Underhill, the makers of SwampButt Underwear will send a red, blue and white pair of its Made In The USA SwampButt Underwear™ to New England Patriots Center Ted Karras this week, after learning that starting quarterback and football god Tom Brady gets his hands wet while under center. New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady needs his hands dry to throw the football. Center Ted Karras has a really bad case of swamp butt. Brady forces complicated, awkward and unnecessary steps to keep his hands dry while under center. The makers of SwampButt Underwear believe that their moisture wicking and quick drying men’s underwear will be a benefit to both Brady and Karras, but especially to Karras.
Why Not Just Wear A Glove?
Brady, who throws a football in all types of weather and is really good at it, still schools his lineman about the need to keep their cheeks dry on game day. Brady was said to stick towels down the pants of his center, according to Dan Conolly, who played offensive line for the Patriots from 2007-2014. Currently injured Patriots Center David Andrews tried to train himself not to sweat, but failed in this attempt, according quotes from an article written by Pete Blackburn. “We think we may know why this is an issue for Tom Brady and other quarterbacks,” said SwampButt Underwear corporate spokesman and football aficionado Nick Heraldson. “The quarterbacks’ hands should be in place while under center to receive the ball. This precludes direct contact with the underside of the center. However, it does not preclude his wrists or forearms being in direct contact with his teammate’s underneath parts, which is likely the seat of the whole waterlogged issue.” SwampButt Underwear is made to keep the backsides of big men like NFL offensive linemen dryer by harnessing the power of science.
Bigger Men Sweat More
Larger and more amply built American men tend to sweat more than average and have more issues with visible butt sweat than most. NFL linemen are really big and in great shape but sweat lots, especially in the early weeks of the season when it is really still summer and not fall. “We all assumed that fat people just sweat more than those who are not, you know, fat,” said Heraldson. “But according to science, men who are just big or bigger will generate more heat and sweat more, even if they are in decent physical condition, or not fat. So, the fact that a man sweats a lot more than normal south of the belt line does not necessarily mean that he is also a big fat slob. Of course, it does not mean he isn’t either.”
The Science Behind SwampButt Underwear
How the undergarment works and what it is made of are related. First, there is the phenomena of ‘wicking’ which is the way moisture travels across a larger area of fabric. The more and further moisture (in this case sweat) can disperse across a surface, the faster it can evaporate. “Imagine you, or someone you hired to do it for you, uses a squeegee and is pulling water across a windshield,” Heraldson explained. “When spread to a larger surface area, the water on the windshield evaporates faster. Or, push rainwater across a driveway or parking lot into a larger surface area and it also evaporates faster. That is how the SwampButt Underwear works.”
Sweat wicks across a larger area and evaporates faster because of this phenomenon. The rate of wicking is related to the materials and the way sweat spreads across them. Polyester fibers are hydrophobic because they are really plastic and will not absorb moisture. The undergarments are made from lycra and polyester fibers. SwampButt Underwear Made In The USA brand also uses ‘Microblok’ technology to prevent ‘stinky drawers’ or from the latin; ubi foetidum. MicroBlok inhibits the growth of bacteria on treated surfaces of products, greatly reducing stains, odors, and product deterioration. “We sincerely hope that Mr. Karras will try out our garments, show them to his friends and talk a lot about them with the sports media,” Heraldson said. “Not only to benefit our bottom line, but more as a public service for those with soaked, droopy backsides born of excess butt sweat. Those men could certainly also benefit from buying and wearing SwampButt Underwear. Yes, we are a high-minded bunch.”