APN News

SwampButt Underwear’s 2020 College Coaches on the Hot Seat

First year Baylor head coach Dave Aranda must not want to join his colleagues on this list. That was one incredibly unlikely explanation for the last minute cancellation of the bears game against Houston. “Is it a coincidence that we named four Big 12 coaches to the ‘hotseat’ and then the Baylor vs. Houston game gets cancelled,” asked conspiracy theorist and SwampButt Underwear spokesman Nick Heraldson. “Probably. It could very well be that there were reasons to cancel the game. Good reasons. But idle speculation is the stock and trade of internet lurkers, so we decided to pile on.”

With every college and university in the nation taking the Coronavirus/Covid-19 pandemic seriously (except Memphis) the makers of SwampButt Underwear introduce the 2020 College Football Coaches on the Hot Seat.  

The B1G reconsidered not playing and rethought their original reluctance. Presidents of the B1G universities held a revote and reversed their previous decision and will begin the football season just in time for the first snow to cover and freeze everything. The Big 12 would also like to revote but for different reasons. So, it should be no surprise that there is a four-way tie for the hottest backsides in coaching.

Les Miles (Kansas): Miles’ Jayhawks got the bird from Coastal Carolina Chanticleers in a 38-23 loss at home. “The chanticleer is a kind of rooster, so the ‘giving Kansas the bird’ analogy totally works,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and frequent complainer Nick Heraldson. “The 15-point loss was not as close as that. Kansas was never in this game.”

Matt Campbell (Iowa State): Coming off a season tied for third in the Big 12 and a preseason top 25 ranking, the cyclones were quickly downgraded from big blowing hurricane to tropically depressed losing to Louisiana-Lafayettte 31-14. At the Big 12 media call Campbell told listeners what was on his mind. “I think this is so unique. It’s a situation for us that there’s no panic because I think we have played our preparation for the long haul. And I think the reality of preparing our football team, getting the experience of playing a game, where are we?” “Ya think,” Heraldson asked?

Kris Klieman (Kansas State) Arkansas State beating K-State was not how anyone saw the season starting, especially the players and coaches at Arkansas State. Coach Klieman offered his thoughts to the Wichita Eagle; “I think having a game the week before probably helped them, as well. It doesn’t matter. We need to make plays. The plays I think we should make and the guys think we should make, we weren’t able to make.” Knowing what he thought was a real consideration when it came to an embarrassing reversal like the one on Saturday,” Heraldson reflected.

Matt Wells (Texas Tech) The Raiders win over Houston Baptist University might as well have been a loss. Following the team’s 35-33 escape Coach Wells told the media in his postgame interview, “right where we want to be, 1-0.” Remarking on the extraordinary lack of self-awareness Heraldson opined, “Wells lack of insight is world class,” Heraldson declared. “I bet we see him on this list several more times.”

Exit mobile version