Lake Jackson, TX : SwampButt Underwear names Oklahoma State Head Football Coach Mike Gundy its coach on the hot seat. As his backside gets toastier, Coach Gundy, like those before him, would benefit greatly by wearing a pair of SwampButt Underwear (www.swampbutt.com) as these remarkable garments wick and evaporate sweat

faster than any traditional type of underwear could.

The problem for Coach Gundy is not that he is a bad coach or that he has a bad football team. While losing many of last year’s stars to the NFL, it seems though that both the coach and the team underachieve and the backers, graduates, and fans who don’t claim Oklahoma University allegiance are getting restless.

The Pro Wrestler Within Me

Gundy fancies himself the ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’ or ‘Gorgeous George’ of college football. Like Austin, he projects the image of nonchalant, non-conformist and works at maintaining the image of bad boy coach relentlessly. From wearing a referee shirt at one of his press conferences, going toe to toe with super donor Boone Pickens, and that hair, Mike Gundy is a ‘dude’, and really ‘cool’, just ask him.

The bad news for Gundy is that this type of act only works when someone is winning big and consistently. It worked for Joe Namath, Muhamad Ali, and John McEnroe. For Johnny Manziel, Adam Jones, and Plaxico Burress, not so much. It turns out that being ‘cool’ is something not to be worked at and working hard to seem ‘cool’ is ridiculously ‘un-cool.’ “His mullet has the reverse-Sampson affect,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and Bible scholar Nick Heraldson. “Sampson had great strength with his long hair but lost it when Delilah cut it off. My theory is that if Coach Gundy gets a more traditional haircut, he will be a better coach. It makes as much sense as anything.”

Failing Faster Than Before

The Cowboys have lost back to back games and three of the last four with the toughest part of the schedule still to come. Losing last Saturday to Kansas State was the second conference loss in two weeks and the only time the Cowboys have dropped back to back games since way back in 2015. The team has problems with its offensive line, quarterback play, penalties, and as of this past Saturday, a defensive line that got tired in the second half. Okie State did not score a touchdown until the game was all but over. Okie State does not lack for resources. They receive tens of millions from their membership in the Big 12/10 and let us not forget that Boone Pickens has a really deep pocket. Coach Gundy will make a cool $5 million regardless of his win-loss total so as with resources, there is no problem retaining a head football coach. So what is the problem?

Say What?

According to Coach Gundy, “I thought we had good schemes. Defensively, when they start pushing us around a little bit late in the third quarter, and offensively we stood with the ball very good. So as a coach, you look at it and say, you know, was there times that we had good protection and had guys open, we didn’t throw it or hit them? You can’t count that down as a bad play or a bad rep, you gotta say hey we gotta be able to execute that.”

Gundy received and receives criticism for remaining with redshirt senior quarterback Taylor (Corndog) Cornelius and not giving super freshman Spencer Sanders any time under center. During Saturday’s game, Sanders’ mom, Carrie, tweeted, “Please give my boy a chance.”

Gundy said earlier this week that he hesitates to play freshman quarterbacks because he believes they’re more susceptible to injuries. Unfortunately for Coach Gundy there are more than players mothers unhappy with his decisions about the quarterback. Internet message boards, where all the best coaches congregate, believe that Gundy is just phoning it in during a rebuilding year. Mathematicians are critical at the lack of data Gundy has to back up his claims about freshman injuries.

Just Jabberin’ With Coach Gundy

“Even for people accustomed to hearing ‘coach speak’ this takes blather to another level,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman Nick Heraldson. “I have to wonder what does a bad play or bad rep look like to this guy? As long as somebody did something right, then that is a good play in Gundy world. The rest of us look at plays where everyone did everything they were supposed to and make positive yards and count that as a good play.”

Gundy is in no danger of being fired any time soon. But the bloom is definitely off the bouffant and the Cowboys will have to step up their game in a major way when they play the resurgent Texas Longhorns on October 27, 2018.