Lake Jackson, TX. :  Maybe it was because Halloween was a few days prior. Or maybe it’s because Americans have lost their ability to cope with and accept reality? The antics of political commentator and former presidential advisor James Carville defy description and got the attention of the staff at SwampButt Underwear™ (www.swampbutt.com) who typically watch college football for the football and not the ranting of a bald headed weirdo.

What did he do that so distracted the SwampButt Underwear leadership? Carville told the hosts of College Game Day and the viewing public that Alabama and the SEC were colluding to keep opponents best defensive players on the sidelines. Yes, he was serious.

Game Day Special

Carville, who graduated from LSU and was a key strategist for President Clinton, declared that the suspension of LSU defender Devin White was not a coincidence. According to Carville, “Tennessee’s best defensive player couldn’t play against Alabama because of the SEC. Missouri’s best defensive player couldn’t play against Alabama because the SEC kicked him out. [Texas] A&M’s best defensive player couldn’t play against Alabama ’cause [sic] he was taken out,” Carville said. “And now, the best defensive player in the conference is not going to play the first half for nothing. He did nothing wrong.” Carville had also written an op-ed in The Advocate in late October calling on SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey to overturn the suspension.

“In the name of all that is right, holy and just in this world, I beg SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey— tear this abomination of a decision down now,” he wrote.

For the record, White was suspended for a targeting penalty the week prior against Mississippi State, which is something and not nothing. Alabama defeated LSU 29-0, which should signal to Mr. Carville that LSU’s issues are on the offensive side of the ball and not the defense. What will happen? Will Mr. Carville ask for a mea culpa?  Not a chance. Look for him to double down on his theory about a conspiracy. “People like this are not capable of admitting they were wrong about anything,” said student of human behavior and SwampButt Underwear mouthpiece Nick Heraldson. “Because to be wrong is intolerable and therefore not possible. Carville and his ilk believe they are superior in every way and to not achieve victory in anything is not possible. So, if LSU does not win, it’s because of some invisible outside force and not because of their shitty offense.”

Tom Herman On the Hot Seat, Off, then Back On

There were lots of coaches we could have written about, but Texas head football coach Tom Herman is the gift that keeps on giving. Herman was placed on the hot seat early for losing the Longhorns opener against Maryland for the second year in a row. Herman found redemption with back to back wins over TCU and Oklahoma, respectively, and was off the hot seat. But not one to stand for prosperity very long (see his tenure at Houston) Herman’s horns dropped close games at Oklahoma State and at home against West Virginia. To make things much worse, Herman charged Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy on the field while Gundy was pulling his players away from a potential fight.

A self-proclaimed member of MENSA, Herman chose to mix it up with Gundy rather than discipline his own players. Specifically, Breckyn Hager. With the game in hand and the Cowboys in victory formation, Oklahoma State quarterback Taylor Cornelius took a knee. But Hager fired off the edge anyway and blew right past tight end Jelani Woods. He then went right after Cowboys receiver Tyron Johnson and delivered a blow before the two briefly scuffled. The ill will between the head coaches was the work Hager. But it did not stop there.

Herman criticized West Virginia quarterback Will Grier for flashing the ‘downward horn’ sign before scored and won the game on a two-point conversion. Coach Mensa whined that Grier’s score was allowed to count after Grier pointed the ball across the goal line on the play. Since, you know, apparently, he thinks that’s taunting. When Herman made fun of Missouri quarterback Drew Lock on the sidelines of last year’s Texas Bowl. “The downward horn signal is used a lot in college football, but it is also part of a satanic ritual to summon the demon ‘Dyspesia’ who rules the underworld dispensing upset stomachs and bad smells,” Heraldson stated. “That Herman and his team both stink and make their legions of t-shirt fans and Mathew McConaughey sick, is likely the work of Dyspepsia.”

But Will He Get Fired?

All this lands Herman back on the hot seat. Is he in danger of actually losing his job? Yes. The people at Texas poached Herman from LSU who had poached him from Houston and it cost them a bundle. They expect a return; a miraculous turn around like the one he had at Houston where for one season, he caught lightening in a bottle and delivered one of the best football seasons ever at Houston. Add to that his juvenile behavior, that has to embarrass the paymasters in Austin, Coach Mensa needs to finish very strong to avoid a pink slip. Losing is one thing, but embarrassing the ‘cognoscenti’ in Austin, well, that simply will not due.